Good manners are a reflection of respect and courtesy, demonstrating that you value others. They are practical guidelines that help you interact positively with people and can contribute to your future success in the workplace. Manners are shaped by culture, environment, and generational norms, and it's important to observe how others behave to understand socially acceptable responses.
Manners 101 (Getting Started)
Manners show respect for others and acknowledge differences:
Hold doors for adults, friends, or anyone who may need assistance.
Allow others to go ahead of you.
Offer your seat on public transport to an adult or someone who might need it.
Let guests go first.
Show respect to your elders.
Greeting Adults
Nowadays, more adults encourage young people to call them by their first names. However, it's essential to pay attention to their preferences. Different cultures have varying customs; for example, in some southern U.S. states, "sir" and "ma'am" are preferred for showing respect.
If invited, you can call an adult by their first name.
If not, use these titles:
"Mr." for men.
"Mrs." for a married woman.
"Ms." for either married or unmarried women.
"Miss" for an unmarried woman or girl.
"Mr. & Mrs." for a couple with same last name.
In formal settings, it’s courteous to offer a handshake when greeting an adult, maintaining a firm grip.
Always greet and say goodbye to your friend’s parents or guardians when visiting their home.
When meeting dignitaries, politicians, or professionals, check with the adult in charge for the correct way to address them.
Making Introductions
Always introduce the older person first.
Introduce the woman before the man.
Use formal titles when introducing people, such as introducing your mom as "Mrs. Smith" rather than “Mom.”
Making Conversation
Use "please" and "thank you" regularly.
Respond with "you're welcome" if someone says "thank you."
Avoid filler words like "um" or "uh"; you have to pause instead to collect your thoughts.
Keep your tone friendly and avoid hurtful comments, even in jest.
Break the ice by asking questions like, "Who is your teacher?"
Take turns speaking and avoid long-winded stories.
In public, be mindful of the volume when using your cell phone.
When leaving a voicemail, always mention your name, who you're calling for, and the purpose of the call.
Be a good listener by engaging, making eye contact, and not interrupting.
Be mindful of the medium you’re using for communication. Some people consider texting or emailing during a conversation disrespectful.
Guidelines for Online Communication
Always check spelling and grammar before sending messages.
Avoid typing in all caps, as it can be interpreted as shouting.
It’s okay to skip responding to some emails, but always reply to those with direct questions.
If you receive excessive emails, kindly let the sender know you're limiting email responses.
Never forward someone’s personal email without their permission.
Be honest and respectful in online conversations.
Be cautious with online chats and report any discomfort to a trusted adult.
Reread your messages before sending, considering how they will be received, and avoid saying something online that you wouldn’t say in person.
Tips for Being a Host or Guest
When you're the host:
Clean your home before guests arrive.
Greet your guests as they arrive and thank them as they leave.
Let guests go first in line or at the door.
Introduce new people to one another.
Be flexible with activities and engage with everyone.
If dining, let a friend know you'll call back after finishing the meal.
When you're the guest:
Be polite and friendly to the host and other guests.
Don’t take food or drinks unless you're invited to do so.
Offer to help clean up after meals.
Always thank your host before leaving.
Table Manners and Eating
Do:
Ask if you can help before and after the meal.
Sit up straight, your elbows off the table.
Pass dishes to the right.
Cut food into small pieces and avoid large bites.
Chew with your mouth closed and avoid making noise.
Hold the knife in your right hand and the fork in your left while cutting. Once cut, switch the fork to your right hand.
Carry your used plate and utensils to the kitchen.
Thank the cook for the meal.
Fold your napkin and place it besides your plate.
Pass salt and pepper together, even if only salt is requested.
Ask to be excused when you’ve finished eating.
Don’t:
Start eating before everyone is seated or served.
Reach across the table—ask for items to be passed.
Talk with food in your mouth.
Table Settings
The proper silverware placement follows a specific order from the outside in:
On the right: soup spoon, and dinner, knifesalad knife.
On the left: salad fork and dinner fork.
The bread plate, with a butter knife, is placed in the upper left.
Silverware above the plate is for dessert.
Soup or salad is placed on top of the dinner plate if served before the main course.
Setting the Table at Home or in Casual Settings
Start by placing the plate in the center.
To the right of the plate, position the knife with the sharp edge facing the plate.
Next, place the the knife to the left of spoon.
On the left of the plate, set the fork, and place the napkin to the left of the fork.
Finally, set the glass in the right corner of the plate.
Tips for Dining Out
Arrive just before the reservation time.
Follow the host to your table.
Once seated, review the menu and make your selection.
Be sure to say "thank you" or "please" if ordering.
After the order is taken, place the napkin in your lap and use it as needed.
Thank the server when your food or drink is brought to the table.
To signal that you're still eating, lay your fork and knife on the plate, point-to-point. When placed parallel, it indicates that you're finished.
If you think you have something stuck in your teeth, excuse yourself and place your napkin on your chair before standing up.
Tipping is customary, and some restaurants may already include it in the bill. In that case, leave a 15-20% tip if it's not included.
Tips for Being Interviewed During a Meal
In addition to the dining out tips, here’s what to keep in mind during a meal interview:
Do:
Dress as you would for a traditional office interview.
Aim to arrive early and wait in the lobby if needed.
Check if the interviewer is already at the table before sitting.
Wait for the interviewer to be seated and follow their lead with the menu.
Sit up straight and place the napkin in your lap after the order is taken.
For beverages, consider ordering water or iced tea.
When choosing your entrée, avoid the most expensive or the cheapest options. Also, skip foods that are too large, smelly, or messy (like spaghetti or fried chicken).
Order a dish that you can comfortably eat with a knife and fork.
Order quickly, and avoid discussing personal dietary preferences.
Break off small pieces of your dinner roll as you eat.
If you have a portfolio or documents, mention them but wait for the interviewer to decide when to review them, typically after the plates are cleared.
Be polite to the server, as it reflects well on your character.
If there’s a small issue with your order, let it go—this meal isn’t about the food.
Eat at least half of your meal to avoid looking nervous.
Let the interviewer gracefully pick up the bill—they invited you.
Use the advantage of a meal interview to think before answering difficult questions.
Only order dessert if the interviewer does.
Don’t:
Drink directly from the bottle or by using a straw.
Eat too quickly, as if you're starving, or wipe your plate with your bread.
Eat too slowly, but don’t match the interviewer’s speed exactly.
Talk with your mouth full.
Rest your elbows on the table.
Crumple your napkin—fold it loosely and place it next to your plate.
Ask for a takeout box or doggie bag.
Forget to mention the meal in your thank-you note afterward.
